wow
life
truly hard to predict
moments
that blow you away
difficult to grasp
unclear
but...
somewhere
in there
you already knew
other moments
nano-second thoughts
an "off" feel
absence
eye contact
that sixth sense
all led
to that "blow away" moment
of which
was "already known"
without
really knowing

a journal entry
lies the only proof
words written
on
a
day
two months ago
where enormous
pain
was cast
upon the subject
of this entry
but...
you didn't know
then
eerie, it could be
if
you didn't understand
or believe
the true gift
of connection
or what it is
to be mate
of another soul

wow
today
on so many levels
but...
my heart pours forth
in sadness
with love
to this news
just learned
but...
somehow,
already known
in a place
unspoken

January went first ... Now February gone too

Don't take my writing

my heart, my soul

Give back the words

to swirl and twirl

Wanna dance, wanna dance

oh, I wanna dance again, so bad

 

~01/22/13~

 

Annoying snow on my day off

White coverage, not enough for a plow

Car troubles leave me to tremble

A prayer a minute to get me to the next

I could feel sorry, drown in self pity

Yes there are days I do just that

Yet there's a strength that pulls me through

Too much TV, who would have thought

Life flying by, feeling not a part

Not quite sure how to jump start

My heart's getting cold, heading towards stone

That places panic in many of my days

Incredible stupidity I have previously displayed

Tears at that fills moments in my days

Security of my life, the form of man

Absent now for the last quarter of year

Who am I, where the hell do I go

What do I take with me and what to leave behind

Something needy in me sometimes resides

A partner in life, a friend for comfort and strife

So much to share; God show me the way

Let the lack of money not control my days

Remind me of pride; let it trickle back to me

Let me hold up my head; let light shine again in my eyes

Let my smile return, beauty fill my days

Fill me with words

And amazing creativity

Drive me, drive me

Shine me with the inspiration gifted me

Let me fill up on my Danny

My Shannon

My Brendan

My Shane

The glory of motherhood brightens my days!

 

~01/22/13~

 

What another moon!

Full and air so cold!

An oblong cloud hovers just below

A smiling sight

as I catch it through the blinds

Then outdoors I go

to see it full

Life revives!!  :)

 

~01/26/13~

 

Tweeting birds when I opened the door!

Their sound exploded and gave me smile!

Warm today, they came out to play

Mid-winter bird sound loves the soul

 

~01/28/13~

 

I saw you today; your back to me

As I walked by

Inside the doors at work; you on the phone

I walked by to smoke my cig

Later, I heard a customer saw a man

shove a gun into his back waistband

I'm thinking that's why you were there

 

I miss you still; (those months engraved

forever in my heart, my mind, my soul)

Thank you for the protection; even though

we didn't even really know

I still wait. . . a text . . . a call

they do not come

Do you ever think of me; any part of you

"miss" me? . . . for real

 

Every once in a while, a single tear,

maybe two, escape my eyes

because it just happens that I immerse myself in you

 

I try to believe that when you see me,

this same thing,

or a version of, happens to you

 

So still, my heart belongs to you

even as I begin to tug it ever so gently

away from you

 

And when there might be glimpses of you

it's the hardest . . .

to try to forget about you

 

Foolish? Silly?

Still in love

with the fantastic idea of you

 

~01/29/13~

 

M O M   P R O M!!!

Beautiful

And last one;

Thank you for the dance(s),

my last wonderful son! ! !

 

~02/04/13~

 

My Haiku Day . . .

 

~Sun pouring through blinds

makes opening my green eyes

a pure blissful day!

 

~Sounds of a day off

dishwasher, washing machine

hum in unison

 

~My days with NETFLIX

as wasteful as they may seem

relax, re-charge me

 

~Just as day gets good

Yet another curve ball throws

So tired of dodging

 

~One day almost good

then moment explodes the peace

up against the wall

 

~Could totally use

a new importance in life

someone to love me

 

~Wanna feel that feel

to love, be loved, butterflies

to be a half of

 

...really, really just wanna

 

~02/05/13~

 

up and down, up and down

my days, my life

daylight fading now

sky soon to be black

nightfall; midnight;

then day comes again

 

~02/09/13~

 

La Casa dinner tonight . . . all kids

and two girl/boyfriends!

Family growing and it makes

my smiling heart proud

Birthday dinners, oldest and youngest,

life's greatest accomplishment

IS BEING A MOM! !

 

Time spent with them all at once

is a treasure I cherish

in the time to the next

 

~02/10/13~

 

Like a spring day ... full sunshine

fills this house, heart and soul of mine

What there is to do even sparkles

as motivation and inspiration

replace the heaviness inside

 

~02/12/13~

 

Birds confused . . . reflected in their song;

scrambled; loud; nothing unison about it;

all singing out of tune.

 

Weather returning to winter . . . snow days coming our way;

cold; bluster; sky full of grey;

nothing pretty or comforting about it.

 

Flying crazy . . . disengaged;

one for all; no pattern; just fly; no understanding

how perceived spring falls back to winter's cold and blow

 

~02/18/13~

 

Sun tries desperately to make appearance

Squeezing through grey, but grey pushes back

Yet there is a shining/reflection off white of snow

Take me through this day; let it all ebb and flow

 

~02/25/13~

 

Sometimes I absolutely love the quiet moments I linger in the chair once the TV/noise goes off and all the lights are out . . . but candles flicker their flame.  I can hear the world outside . . . the wind blowing and my chimes chiming.  And I wonder . . . how many other people in the world are still awake . . . and then, is there anyone, anywhere, out there that has thought of me today . . . and if so, I pray there was a smile upon their face.  And if so, I hope for some tiny moment in time they danced with me.

 

~02/27/13~

 

~ Dances With Terri ~

I believe in Valentine's Day ... and always will

V  alentine's Day . . .

A  lways acknowledge and anticipate

L  avish in love and laughter

E  engage and emphasize embellishment

N  arrate your nature and nature with naivety

T  rust time thoughtfully and thankfully

I  gnite imagination and illuminate your identity

N  estle, nurture, and nourish nuclear needs

E  scort your essence and essential esteem


Happy Valentine's Day!!

Love,
~ Dances with Terri 02/14/13 ~

dance, dance, dance

you have

you can

you will

way too long since i have been here
way too long since i have felt

time to take back ... take charge
give spark to my dance

no one to dance with?
just dance Ter, and they will come

... goodness will come

 

"In the moment we are born we're drawn to form a union with others ...

an abiding drive to connect ...

to love ...

to belong."

 

from Revenge, episode airing 2/10/13

 

 

~a jumpstart!

Dance Ter, Dance

02/11/13



EUREKA!

Cruising Eureka Springs in a Murano - top down!
Spectacular foilage graced streets and hills
Autumn's dance, like no other
Tourists & residents danced together
Joyful, hometown-feel treasure
Where the springs run deep
In this Ozark mountain culture
Bikers too, filled the streets and taverns
Cruising by, they danced like feathers
Soulful cruising heals the wounds
Peace pours forth in passion found
Eureka Springs, you filled a space
That longing knows is saved for great
The dance was perfect on that Sunday drive
Re-igniting a crave for life, outside of mine

. . . . . . . . . . .

Cycles lined the row
empowered presence is the story it told
to some, it releases a fear
to me, it releases a freedom sheer
 . . . a dance, where the road is clear
my heart reacts to this scene
       over and over
expanding and pounding
as it longs to be a part of

"Genuine Harley" refers
to both bike and rider

~ Dancing With Terri  10/23/12 ~

Gold To The Soul ...

Back home, a level of restlessness settles in my bones...

The drives through the hills
the beauty of fall everywhere
filled ever pore of my being
The cycles,
Harleys and Hogs,
created want flowing through my blood...


Twisting, turning . . . crimsons and scarlets
Upwards, downwards . . . winds carry the fallen
Dancing, prancing in their fate of glory

Beautiful here on this top down drive
Cattle roam . . . then the magical hills
Color bursting on flat and dome

Scarlet red, Crimson gold
Peach parfait, Tanning bronze
Pumpkin orange, Amber blast

Senses purring, all drama lost
Heart responds to thoughts forgot
Settles in what counts the most

Keep me here; this wonderous state
Where fog lifts; the dance is straight
Reality escapes; the soul is driven

Dancing tingles; pleasure delights
Swirling, twirling; kaleidescope sights
Respectful honor what is gold to the soul

~ Dances With Terri  10/23/12 ~

Get the hell out of Dodge! :) ... 10/18/12

Leaving life behind, I took a drive

Headed south for the Missou/Arkansas state line

Heaven answered; quickly responded

Left all troubles at the Nebraska/Iowa border

Groovin' and movin', let the music unwind

As Autumn scenery filled the road on all sides

Thinkin' no throughts 'cept for the beauty surrounding

Passion filled spaces, long time empty

So grateful for the roads always kind to me

I fill up on peace and empty what's bugging

Beauty got more beautiful, the further south I drove

And when Sun came out, magic dispersed my every woe

Hillsides and hilltops alive with color

This magical season delivers clear vision, technicolor

Thank God for this season, vibrant in color

And the dancing in masses as they take their falling sever

 

~There is nothing greater than when peacefulness sinks in~

~Dancing, to be me~Dancing, to be free~

 

~ Dances With Terri  10/23/12 ~

October Life!

Beautiful!  The leaves falling

Colorful life!  A blanket they make

Top down driving!  They land inside

Kick in the ass!  This season enlivens

 

~ Dances With Terri  10/04/12 ~

 

 

 

Wake me up ~ bring me pleasure

October morns ~ a joy to savor

 

Sunshine bright ~ behind the blinds

Get on up ~ a reason to rise

 

Chill of morns ~ guilty pleasure

Reason to write ~ beloved treasure

 

~ Dances With Terri  10/10/12 ~

 

 

 

 

Everything changes, this month of October

Preparing for the quiet, darkness of winter

Blast of Fall, instills hope in the future

As all that has ended, falls graceful to surrencer

Gentle in its fall and deliberate flutter

Colorful past dances, one more time to remember

Everything changes, this month of October

Cleansing of senses to build and become stronger

 

~ Dances With Terri  10/10/12 ~

Perfect Concoction

Sometimes riding life's tough storms

I forget the calming effects of a single bird song

Finally the 95+ heat wave breaks

Windows wide open, the morning flows in!

Slight breeze rattles the indoor chimes

Filling the room with shrill shell clinging sound

Beloved my chimes brought back from the ocean

And the morning single bird song blending to the ...

perfect concoction!

~ Dancing With Terri  08/15/12 ~

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/08/mood-indigo-bryonie-wise/

I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared wish for

may once again spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,

streaming through widening channels
into an open sea.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

There is this place that I continue to return to, again and again.

It ebbs and it flows and sometimes it’s gentle, like the water lapping onto the shore, asking the sand and rocks to join in the dance of the sea; other times, it’s a tidal wave so big, so strong, that I’m certain that the push of the wave and the pull of the tide are in it together, hoping to claim their next prize for the underwater world (that surely exists).

Moments that bring me back, to here and now, seem far and few between and part of me tires of the search for a place to rest my achy body and weary mind.

The other part is my warrior and she is the one that brings me back up onto my feet, lifting all ten of my toes and rooting them into the earth.

She is the one that holds space, so that sadness can exist in love…and with love.

She is the one, I’m sure, that tells my dog when to lick my face and wrap his paws around me, holding me in his sweet dog embrace.

Love comes in many forms and shapes and sometimes, she is disguised and I don’t recognize that it’s her standing right in front of me, with those soft, kind, strong eyes, staring back at me.

I am beginning to understand, now, that this isn’t something for the faint of heart; there will be times when the skies are clear and times when the skies are gray. This is life.

This is my life.

I am my warrior and I wish that I could take my heart from my chest and crack her open, for you.
Then you would see, you would know, for sure, that everything written within her walls, each word, memory, idea, thought, feeling—that everything—everything—is written with love.

.................a post by Bryonie Wise via elephantjournal.com, shared here because it made me dance!!!

Two years plus, I've tried to articulate

The high, high vs. the reality low

How in his presence, there is nothing more real and true

a sense of belonging and "home"

a feel of knowing forever

And within just hours of standing together

the low takes over and undresses the high, layer by layer

starving me for more high

eventually draining me to drown in reality

I cling to the high moments, perhaps creating an illusion

because why? ...

as my life has progressed through drenching moments

I need the illusion that someone

loves me and wants me

cares to watch me through

~ Dances With Terri  07/02/12 ~

surely, my love is not the only active word (verb) in our sentence

? ? ?

illusion, can be damaging

and saving grace

at the same time

07/27/12

Hmmmm ... July 4th musing

*Reasoning* ... There seems to be uncontainable passion and excitement in the minds and on the faces of most of the male population when "fireworks" week comes around.

They carry around their punk for hours, and days, lighting anything with a wick that will cause a BOOM, whether instantaneous or after seconds of a spectacular light show.

They love explosion.

They love fire.

And they are proud in the understanding that they ignited that firey explosion. (And that damn adorable, boyish grin after such explosion is just irresistable!)

They're good for a minimum 7 day stretch of firework igniting.

*To do* ... Remove myself from all dating sites. (Really not on any, but if I were, I would remove myself as of this date)

Research the most profitable firework stands of this 2012 season.

*Long range plan* ... Take a week of vacation leading up to July 4, 2013.

Hang out daily, during my vacation, at each of the top 3 most profitable firework stands according to my research findings ... holding a punk or two.

~ Dancing, just thinking about possible explosions ~

my heart dances

~ Dances With Terri  06/28/12 ~

As midnight passes ...
the thrill of being so close to you earlier
looking into your eyes
connecting to something far deep inside 
feeling your eyes on me as I walk away
your smile to see me and then wave good-bye
the sound of your voice, conversation we played
repeating in my mind over and over
intoxicating happiness and cheerful joy
relief of still wanting you and the gravity of yours too
the peace of someone who cares after a long, long day
  and calmness that only you can invoke to reside 
MY laughter, and twinkle in YOUR eyes
fades slowly ... with a hunger insatiable and deep
as i bear the heartache
of loving fully
but being away
and wondering / waiting
for our next rendevouz to take place

(there was an actual sweetness to the wave good-bye as you watched and waited for the car to start it's way home ... a lingering of sorts ... a sadness at good-bye ... a silent, strong plea for never having to say "good-bye" ... a mutual knowing of what it all could be ... and this is how I understand, that it is not all just me) 

beauty of the heart

astonishing the love you hold

remarkable the pain you bear

tireless in what you wait for

boundless with all you care for

sometimes,

careless in what you give

yet,

knowing, for some reason

it was meant

beauty of the heart

overwhelming in joy

overbearing in pain

endless in hope

so, so transparent in love

~ Dances With Terri 06/27/12 ~

(Thank you to Hippie Peace Freaks FB page for the posting of this awesome picture)



Where do they go

the ones that tell you

you are beautiful

  and mean it

Such a beautiful sound

to be told

you possess beauty

in sincerity

The quiet,

fuels

insecurity

Sometimes,

"I miss you"

means ...

"I love you"

@moments, tears do slide
unexpectedly
@just a thought
of you
of how there is so little
thought
of me
how many times
(this question is for me)
will i be caught off guard
@the care less disposition
of you
the bigger (question for me) ...
how long (once again)
will i love
what apparently doesn't exist
3 years, stole every owned cent
the next 3, robbed my heart
unbelievable numbness is left
how could i just give it all away

Transformation in cleaning of a room

My 22 year old daughter returned home almost 2 weeks ago

4 years away, far away, with many travels

returning home with a college degree

"sloppy" / "drop & plop" could describe this child of mine

but i always preferred to understand it to be

"moving on into the next moment, the last one is done / can't wait for the next"

there's no stress in this child

no urgency or emergency

and she's very worldly intelligent

always advocating / scheming a "cause"

vocal on matters she cares / passionate on humanity

sometimes swimming with, many times swimming against

always taking a strong stand

i let her chaos reside

until today when,

i asked that her room be cleaned

meaning,

unpack the 6 suitcases scattered about

as they were becoming an eyesore

not to mention close to baracading the front entrance to our home

she actually started this "clean up" last night

as her boyfriend lay across her bed

(i am sure he learned many things about her last night)

she finished up alone today

7 bags of donations / 7 bags of trash

her room sparkles

... and there is a definite change

no longer a "teenager" haven

very little remnants of her beloved 'high school' years remain

clean, with space

is how i might describe it

photos / momentos of only 'certain events' remain

in my eyes, the ones which have 'defined'

defined, this child of mine

no longer "child", no longer "teenager"

but woman

capable

strong

independent

and "moving on"

building

on what she has been taught

learned

seen

experienced

and "dreams of"

i don't know that the doorway into her room

and the floor on all 3 sides of the bed

and the tabletops and bookcase

will remain uncluttered for long

but i do know

she has entered a new passageway

and any clutter that is to be strewn

will be thrown from yet another journey

and this mom

whom is not too proud to leave a little clutter behind herself,

very much anticipates and welcomes

the debris that undoubtedly will fall

from this grand and excitng new cycle

i love her room clean

but i also love that she lives

"her style"

and she knows when it becomes "too much"

and it is time to clean it up

move on

re-engage

start fresh

and "make space" for what is to come

she's a beauty, my daughter

in many, many ways

her mind, her heart

fascinate me

intrigue me

in both our sameness

and our difference

i'm not the mother who wishes back the years of childhood

but rather the mother who marvels at the growth

and constantly surprises at the newness with invigorated warmth and pride

to understand that i gave foundation

and to watch this building rise strong and freely

is wonderment beyond words

<3