My windows are open; motorcycle sounds all around!
The day became hot; summer in spring
This morning so, so hazy; now, nothing but shine
My chimes are exploding; of course there is wind
Truly hot, cuz my two doggies are panting!
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M o t o r c y c l e s ... (still my fantasy!!!)
I came out of work this afternoon and stopped at a light
When all of a sudden I found pure delight
Not just one or even two
There were 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 too!!
Vroom, Vroom as they signaled right
Then paraded past me in single file flight
Another sight and sound of the season change from winter dullness to spring charm. When my light changed from red to green, I followed them. They headed to the interstate going west ... at the time of my sighting of them, the sun had covered itself with clouds and I remembered that I had heard of "storms" coming tonight. I found their freedom exhilerating. Some bikes carried only one rider; some had two. I marveled the freedom that they enjoyed ... including the freedom of possibly riding into a storm ... letting the rain pelt their ride. I have a longing to experience that bike ride! I envy the ladies riding behind. And I smiled all the way home as I thought of that ride.
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Home ... it's very seldom that I am a whole weekend alone in my home; always one son comes home every night, and most weekends there's another son dropping by to sleep and do laundry! And on some, a third one comes home for a dinner. Well, this one is different. A change. For the first time in my 6 years divorced/8 years separated, I am alone for an entire weekend. (yes, all the children have enjoyed a week long vacation with their father every other year ... but never have all spent both a Friday AND a Saturday in town with their father) It's strange. Not bad strange. Just strange. Lonely? Yep. Every single night of my post divorce, it has been I who waits up, drives them to/from, makes the yes/no decisions, checks for sobriety, calls other parents, and even takes the police call to "come pick up your child" (only twice! ... so far). It feels weird to feel as if I have no "responsibility". Last night, I checked every window/door in the house twice to ensure they were locked ... why don't I check twice when there is a child(ren) home? Two thoughts tonight ... Get used to the quiet and relinquishing of "responsbility" as the fourth child has only two more years of high school ... and ... what would their lives have been like to have had a full-time father. Which in turn inspires another ... what would it have been like to have had a "complete" circle of family for us all. I think that last question will matter more to me once my "baby" has flown the nest. When "home" will feel as it does tonight ... empty.
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I thought it was gonna storm tonight! ? !
I was hopin' it was gonna storm tonight!
I love the storms this weather brings
Humidty so high today; needin' storms to blow it away!
I just want the weather to match my day
(That and I truly do love storms) and...
I thought it could bring company to my day
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Wonderful Tonight ... a song ... beautiful
A song I have referred to in many of my writings
A song that, in the quiet of the night, brings incredible longing to the surface
A song that, in the light of day, brings giggles when I hear it play
A song that brings memories
A song that I hope gives future
A song that I made a pact with ... if there is a man out there that can sing it to me, he is mine
A song that has played at many a "serendipitous" timing
A song that many times, has silenced turmoil around me
A song ... made for me
A song ... I hold deep in my heart
... For it's my heart that longs for a Wonderful Tonight
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Someone I knew long ago, wrote to me the other night
They said, they were so happy that I had found a voice
At first, I found that odd
For I have "voiced" thousands of pages in words
Yet, I knew what they meant
And still, 28 years later
I am better and more comfortable
With writing it than "voice"
Inhibition vanishes; something inside me takes over
There's a voice like no other
That pours from my soul
Vulnerability and truth
So sincere that it hurts
Are how words find their way
(In my world) from my heart to the page
That's not to say that I can't speak what I mean
Or be completely vulnerable with the truth
To actually speak, "I love you"
Gets no better than that
But in some situations in my life
Not all could be spoken
So to acknowledge my feelings
Paper, pen, computer helped me gain
The "voice", that sometimes never quiets
Yes, I find pride in the way I can write
That I will bare all in a moment of quiet
That I have thousands of words documented
And that some day they may all be read
By ones who find interest
Some do find me quiet; reserved compared to themselves
Some say I create drama...and chuckle to themselves
Others find me mysterious; never sure what to expect
I can see in myself what they all think they see
But in the words that I write...lies the most of me
Writing is the solitude; the peacefulness; the whole of me
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10:28 pm ... I feel the storm brewing stronger
So taking my doggies for a walk in the park
I've written now, so my mind is at rest
Now, gonna let nature take care of the rest
Let the wind that blows make my hair a mess
And catch glimpses of my moon
Through glops of clouds that try, but never succeed, to cover her carress
Good Night, with love tonight ~Terri
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